A Balancing Act

At the end of May I told my former co-teacher that I would be her long term sub. while she was on maternity leave for the first 6 weeks of the school year. I knew it would be a huge relief to her to have someone who she has taught with, start the school year off. Plus I also thought that it would help me fight the "not-back-to-school" blues that I assumed I would have.

I'm three weeks into the job, and I have three weeks left to complete. I am exhausted, wiped out, pooped, dog tired! Working full time, raising Silas, trying to be a good wife and keep a house clean is stretching me pretty thin. I have a HUGE amount to respect for the moms who have to work outside the home. I know how draining it can be because I am there right now. Plus Silas has now decided that since I'm not home during the day, he is going to pay me back by returning the middle of the night feedings that he gave up months ago! Thanks little man :)

On the flip side I am also battling guilt. I love teaching, I mean LOVE it. I have always wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember. Sure, there are a lot of things that I don't agree with in our current public education system. However I love the students, love planning, love creating and love grading (okay that last one is a lie because I despise grading!) In the morning it is so hard to walk out the door knowing that I am leaving Silas for 8-9 hours, I feel like I am missing so much with him. Then I get to school and I fall into a routine and the day just rolls by. On the way home I am excited to get home, yet also eager to return back to school the next day. There lies the guilt. How can I hate to leave Silas, home and my desire to be a good wife yet still love to work?

To make my lack of time at home more productive I did a lot of planning over the summer. I have a freezer stocked with meals so I don't have to come home and cook. I have created a much simpler cleaning schedule that just allows me to pick up a little each night. I also have the biggest help of all in my mom, mother in law and sister in law. The three of them rotate to come over every day and watch Silas. While they are here they do my major cleaning (bathrooms, floors, and kitchen) plus laundry! I am very spoiled I know, but incredibly grateful because instead of having to spend my Saturdays cleaning, I can spend time with Brett and Silas.

I am very glad that I don't have to keep this pace up for to much longer, just three more weeks. I will continue to sub. (1-2 days a week at the most) to keep my love for teaching alive. But I am looking forward to being at home where I can train and teach MY child instead of others.