A little mommy guilt

I'm sure that many women who are about to have their second child go through a normal phase of mommy guilt, or at least I am. I am so excited for Baby Girl's arrival in a few short days, but I'm also a little sad at the same time. I know my hormones are raging because I have been going from tears to giggles in a matter of moments lately.

I'm sad because my days alone with just Silas and I are coming to a close and soon he is going to have to share my attention, affection, and love with another. I'm sure that he is going to be just fine, and he is young enough that he will adjust. It's me who has become the blubbering, sentimental mom. I have been going through his baby book, looking at his newborn pictures and have been reminded just how quickly the time has gone by. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I brought him home from the hospital, 19 months later I would be bringing home his little sister too.

Baby Girl will officially be here next week. Since I have gestational diabetes my OB recommends that it is best for the baby's health and mine to deliver by 39 weeks. So next Thursday if she hasn't come on her own, we will be inducing. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of having to be induced. I had such a great, natural childbirth experience with Silas and I really want to be able to experience that again. I know that with inductions my chances for pain medicines, and even possibly a C-Section do go up. So I'm doing everything possible to try to go into labor naturally this weekend.

Which also makes me realize that these are in fact my last few days with just Silas. I have been trying to make them count and spending as much intentional time with him as possible. (Not that I haven't been doing that anyway!) Last week we went to the Deanna Rose Farmstead in the morning, and he loved feeding the baby goats. We've also been cuddling a lot more, especially during naps. I realize that in a few weeks when I need him to get back to napping alone in his crib I may regret this, but for now I'm enjoying this special time.

I have been spending the past few months in pure nesting mode- cleaning, organizing, purging, baking, freezer cooking. And I must admit it's been a long time since our house has been this organized. Our freezer is stocked full with foods that I have been cooking. Brett jokes that we're ready for the Apocalypse! While all this nesting has been good, and I will really appreciate being organized once I have Two Under Two, I have also been really trying to focus as much of my energy on my time with Silas.

So hopefully Baby Girl will come on her own before next Thursday, that's what we're praying for! While I'm waiting, I'm going to be spending as much time with Silas as I possibly can.

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Turn Off the TV, Open a Book

I have been reading a lot this year. As of today, I have completed more than 50 books! Most books I have posted on my Pinterest page, a few short "how-to" e-books I didn't bother posting. I  have really made it a priority to read, mostly during Silas' nap times or in the evenings while Brett is watching baseball. Outside of favorite shows recorded on the DVR, I have almost completely stopped watching TV. I admit that during the Olympics, the TV was on most of the day, but it was the Olympics so I gave myself grace :) I also have made it a habit to read during commercials if Brett and I are watching something on live TV that I'm interested in.

I realized how much the TV was on during the day, mainly as background noise, and it really started to bother me. I don't want Silas to become a TV watcher outside of approved shows or movies. Plus I have become more aware of the advertising. This summer I have been trying to simplify our lives by removing clutter, simplifying toys, trying to eliminate processed foods, and removing sugar from our diets, all of these things commercials directly counter act.

At first I thought it would be hard to not have the TV on as background noise. Being home all day, most everyday can sometimes get lonely. But once I turned the TV off, I turned the radio on and have either K-Love, Pandora, or my favorite CDs on in the background. Having quality music in the background has really been uplifting, especially in the first few months of the pregnancy when I was feeling so sick.  With the TV off, and the music on I am much more likely to read instead of being distracted by something probably useless on TV.

Most everything I have read this year had been worthwhile, there have been a few duds along the way. All of the books I have read have been recommended my other bloggers, or books that I have sinned pinned, or are books that I have been wanting to read for a while. I wanted to share a few of my favorite reads so far this year.

The first book is Money, Possessions, and Eternity by Randy Alcorn


I can't say that this was an easy read, but it has definitely been the most challenging read of the year. To be honest it was really hard to read for two reasons, the chapters are long, and it is incredibly convicting and powerful. Alcorn pretty much goes against the American dream of saving up lots of money, and buying nice things for yourself. In fact it's quite the opposite. He really challenges the reader to look at money not as "yours" but as God's. I have recommend this book to several family members, and Brett and I have spent a lot of time talking about some of the points I have read.

The second book is The Preacher's Bride by Jodi Hedlund.

It's a fictional story set in the 1600s Puritan England. It is based largely on the life of John Bunyan and his wife and the trials and persecution they endured. It was definitely a page turner, in fact I started it on a Friday and completed in the next Sunday!

The next book that I really enjoyed was Simplicity Parenting by Dr. Kim John Payne

Earlier I talked about trying to simplify our home by removing clutter, and trying to eliminate toys, this book touched on that. It also talks about simplifying our schedules, and as Silas gets older really evaluating the activities that he is involved in. The author's main point is that it shouldn't be about stuff (toys, clothes, gadgets, etc.) or activities, but about the intentional time a family spends together.

The next book is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

While there were some things that I didn't agree with in this book, mainly the author dabbles in some Eastern religion philosophies, there was a lot I did enjoy. It was a pretty quick read and I did feel "happy" after I read it :)

A final mention is Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman

I could completely relate to this book from the title to the contents. I have always felt like a "good girl." I don't drink, I didn't date or sleep around in high school or college (in fact I married my first date :)). Sometimes though I never felt good enough, pretty enough, smart enough even though I was, and still am a complete people pleaser. I avoid confrontation, I am extremely introverted, I'm socially shy when put in situations where I don't know many of the people. In fact I remember once a really good friend tell me she thought I was a snob when she first met me because I was so quiet. She thought I didn't like her! In fact it's usually the opposite, I enjoy the new people I am meeting, I just can't think of an intelligent thing to say!

In Grace for the Good Girl, the author encourages us to remove the masks we've been hiding behind, the "try harder" life we try to live, and to realize that we are free in Christ and the life that he has given to us.

These are just a few of the books that I have read that I feel like I should pass on and recommend to others. I still have quite a few books left on my reading list this year that I'm excited to read. Hopefully I can still keep up with reading after Baby Girl arrives any week now! I'll keep you posted on anymore praise worthy books :)

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