A little mommy guilt

I'm sure that many women who are about to have their second child go through a normal phase of mommy guilt, or at least I am. I am so excited for Baby Girl's arrival in a few short days, but I'm also a little sad at the same time. I know my hormones are raging because I have been going from tears to giggles in a matter of moments lately.

I'm sad because my days alone with just Silas and I are coming to a close and soon he is going to have to share my attention, affection, and love with another. I'm sure that he is going to be just fine, and he is young enough that he will adjust. It's me who has become the blubbering, sentimental mom. I have been going through his baby book, looking at his newborn pictures and have been reminded just how quickly the time has gone by. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I brought him home from the hospital, 19 months later I would be bringing home his little sister too.

Baby Girl will officially be here next week. Since I have gestational diabetes my OB recommends that it is best for the baby's health and mine to deliver by 39 weeks. So next Thursday if she hasn't come on her own, we will be inducing. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of having to be induced. I had such a great, natural childbirth experience with Silas and I really want to be able to experience that again. I know that with inductions my chances for pain medicines, and even possibly a C-Section do go up. So I'm doing everything possible to try to go into labor naturally this weekend.

Which also makes me realize that these are in fact my last few days with just Silas. I have been trying to make them count and spending as much intentional time with him as possible. (Not that I haven't been doing that anyway!) Last week we went to the Deanna Rose Farmstead in the morning, and he loved feeding the baby goats. We've also been cuddling a lot more, especially during naps. I realize that in a few weeks when I need him to get back to napping alone in his crib I may regret this, but for now I'm enjoying this special time.

I have been spending the past few months in pure nesting mode- cleaning, organizing, purging, baking, freezer cooking. And I must admit it's been a long time since our house has been this organized. Our freezer is stocked full with foods that I have been cooking. Brett jokes that we're ready for the Apocalypse! While all this nesting has been good, and I will really appreciate being organized once I have Two Under Two, I have also been really trying to focus as much of my energy on my time with Silas.

So hopefully Baby Girl will come on her own before next Thursday, that's what we're praying for! While I'm waiting, I'm going to be spending as much time with Silas as I possibly can.

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