Going Offline

Recently I read the book Holy Parenting: Making the Common Sacred by Benjamin Kerns. I was really touched by this book. One of the things that made me stop and think for a while was when the author talked about taking a fast from being online as a way to stay connected to your family. I thought about that for a while.

I was convicted of how frequently I am on the Internet- either at the computer, through my phone or Kindle. I am very guilty of this while I'm nursing, while Silas is eating and playing, even in the evenings when Brett is home. Now I'm not sitting on the computer for hours on end neglecting my family and home, but I have been convicted of all those minutes that I have stolen away with the intention of having a few minutes of "me-time." Not that me-time is bad, rather it is very important to have personal time to re-fresh and re-energize. Nor is the Internet bad for that matter either. I have just been personally convicted of how I spend my minutes each day.

I should be looking forward to play with my kids, and interacting with husband iinstead of looking forward to check Facebook, Pinterest, or favorite blogs. I have also noticed how I have been spending time doing these things before I even spend time in the Word or prayer, and some days I'm not even doing either.

So here is the plan I have come up with to help me become more intentional with my family, and free time. Starting tomorrow, November 1, I'm going (mostly) offline. Here are my rules:

1. No Facebook
2. No Pinterest
3. No Swagbucks
4. No random Internet surfing
5. No daily blog reading- this one might be the hardest for me because there are about 5 blogs that I enjoy reading on a daily basis, but I have also been convicted of how much I compare myself to these women and then fell like a failure. I often feel these women/moms have it all together- perfect moms, perfect homes, perfect routines. So I need to stop reading these for a period of time.

Here are my few exceptions:

1. E-mail- but not daily, rather only once or twice a week because there are a few things that I am accountable for through e-mails
2. Shutterfly- this is how I share photos of my kids with family, plus I have already started a few Christmas gifts
3. You Version- my daily Bible reading plan is through YouVersion which is only accessed through the Internet
4. Google- only if I really need to look up something that I need the Internet for.
5. My plan is be offline through the whole month of November, but I know Thanksgiving weekend I will be online because of trying to score some Black Friday/Cyber Monday Christmas deals. My goal is focus on re-prioritizing how I spend my time, mainly in regards to my family, as well as my spiritual life.

I need to be looking forward to spending time with God through reading His Word and communicating through prayer.

I need to be enjoying every moment with my precious children because they won't be so little for to much longer.

I need to be investing more into my marriage because I have seen to many marriages crumble in my family due to lack of priorities.

I need to be focusing on all the wonderful gifts that God has blessed me with, and since November is the month of Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday) what better month than any to take an online fast and focus on everything that I am grateful for.

So I will check back in on December 1 to share my update of my progress and struggles. Also please note that this is a personal fast for me. I don't think that everyone needs to give up Facebook or other online activities to have meaningful time with the Lord, their children, or their husbands.

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Amelia's Birth Story

I finally have a few free minutes to write about Amelia's birth story. Her birth was much different than Silas' birth, in fact everything about this pregnancy and even delivery have been very different and at times extremely difficult. On the flip side, once Silas was born he had a lot of difficulties and complications with jaundice, low birth weight, and nursing, while Amelia has been incredibly easy going and a great nurser, in fact yesterday at her two week appointment she weighed in 2 ounces past her birth weight!

It all started the day before, Wednesday, were my doctor and perinatoligist (high risk OB, I had to go to them too because of the gestational diabetes) wanted to induce me because some of my sugar levels had risen. We already had an induction date scheduled for the next week, and honestly I didn't want to be induced. Having done my research of natural birth, been going through our Bradley Method for a second time, I knew that by being induced the odds were against me of having a natural birth. After a late afternoon phone conversation with my doctor I told her that I would talk to my husband that evening and give her a phone call the next morning. I knew she wanted to induce me the next day, but she agreed to wait and have me think about my options. I was pretty upset, and when Brett came home from work and we talked about it, we both decided that we wanted to wait a few days, and see what would happen over the weekend. If I didn't go into labor naturally, then we would agree to the early induction.

That night I woke up around 12:30am and just did not feel very well. Being a pregnant lady I was used to waking up several times a night needing to use the restroom or just uncomfortable. This was different, but I didn't really think much of it at the time so I was able to fall back asleep. About two hours later I woke up to a contraction, again I didn't think much of it because I had been having irregular Braxton Hicks contractions for months now. However this one was a little stronger and kept me awake. About 10 minutes later I felt another one. From the time I woke up until about 3:00am I laid in bed and timed them. I had about 4 contractions all about 10-12 minutes apart. I decided to get up, walk around, and have a snack to just to check to see if these were in fact "real contractions." For the next several hours, I paced the living room, watched TV, and tried to read as I timed my contractions. They were regular at 10 minutes apart. Finally at 6:00am I woke Brett up and told him that I was having contractions and he should call in to the office. I took a shower and got dressed, during this time my contractions stopped. I knew that this could happen in early labor as you start to get excited about being in labor. But we continued to do things around the house to get prepared. My mom came over around 8:00am, and then we sent Silas over to my mother-in-law's house. I called my doctor's office to let her know what was going on, but I knew that we couldn't do anything until the contractions were closer together at 5 minutes apart. So we waited. I walked around the house to get my contractions moving along again, which they started back up. We packed our bag, and got the car loaded, and I continued to walk around.

Around 11:30am, they were back to being regular about 8-10 minutes apart. We decided to go get some lunch, because I knew that I wouldn't be allowed to eat once I did make it to the hospital. The contractions were starting to come a little stronger, and a little more frequently at about 6-7 minutes. After lunch, Brett and I went to the Target which is right across the street from the hospital. We wanted to keep walking around, but didn't want to go all the way back home. While we were walking my contractions got very intense, some were right on top of each other, and at times I couldn't even walk I was just hunched over the shopping cart. Brett called back the Doctor and she told us to go on in to the hospital.

We got to the hospital, and got checked in to the maternity floor. The nurse hooked me up to the fetal monitor and checked me. I was still just dilated to a 3 which is what I was about 2 days ago. Also during this time my contractions stopped again which was pretty frustrating. The nurse told me that she would monitor the heartbeat for about 30 minutes than have me walk around for an hour and then check my progress. The whole time while walking around I was have a few contractions that were hardly strong at all, and they were a little more than 10 minutes apart. I wasn't progressing at all. Finally my doctor came in and told me that I could go home and continue to labor, or I could have my water broken to get things moving. She assured me that since I was already having contractions I would probably not need to be put on pitocin, that the contractions would pick up on their own. Brett and I spent about 30 minutes talking about it, and after much frustration I decided to go ahead and have my water broken. I didn't want to go through the drama of going home only to have to come back again, plus I knew my doctor was recommending to break my water anyway.

At 5:00pm my doctor broke my water which was the strangest feeling, completely different than when my water broke naturally with Silas. I also has a sort of freak out moment because I knew there was no turning back now! I was allowed to continue walking for an hour, than had to be hooked up to the monitor for about 15 minutes. My contractions definitely picked up in frequency and intensity. Walking the halls really helped. I continued walking the halls until around 8:30pm, then after that I wanted to stay pretty close to our room. The next hour and half  my contractions were pretty much right on top of each other, and extremely painful. This was the part where I totally understand why women opt for pain meds, and in fact I told Brett that I didn't think I could do it anymore. Thankfully he was very encouraging and a great coach. At 9:45pm, the doctor on call came in to check me (my doctor's shift had ended so another doctor in her practice would be delivering me which I wasn't thrilled about but there was nothing I could do about that). I had only dilated to a 7. By this time my contractions were incredibly intense, and I had so much pressure to start wanting to push naturally. The doctor told me I could not start pushing because I wasn't fully dilated yet, but I don't think he understands what if feels like to have your body take control and start pushing naturally. The pain was so intense that I actually started to throw up, which in looking back now I think that is what helped fully dilated me because in about a 10 minute window I went from a 7 to fully dilated.

I was finally allowed to push, as if my body was going to wait any longer, and during one last final contraction with one push Amelia Josephine was born at 10:15pm. After almost 18 hours of labor my daughter finally came into this world. I also thought it was incredibly beautiful that she was born to my favorite song by my favorite artist. Sara Grove's "Add to the Beauty" was playing in the background.

Unlike Silas, Amelia took to nursing naturally and latched on as soon as she was placed on my chest. She remained there for the next hour, and has been a nursing pro ever since.

 I completely enjoyed the whole labor experience with Silas and I am glad that I had that experience first. Even though Amelia's birth wasn't quite as easy or what I had planned and envisioned, I'm still glad that I was able to have a second medication-free child birth. I can't say that I would be to eager to replicate that again though, but hopefully with time God will give me the strength to go through labor again if He so blesses us with another child.

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A little mommy guilt

I'm sure that many women who are about to have their second child go through a normal phase of mommy guilt, or at least I am. I am so excited for Baby Girl's arrival in a few short days, but I'm also a little sad at the same time. I know my hormones are raging because I have been going from tears to giggles in a matter of moments lately.

I'm sad because my days alone with just Silas and I are coming to a close and soon he is going to have to share my attention, affection, and love with another. I'm sure that he is going to be just fine, and he is young enough that he will adjust. It's me who has become the blubbering, sentimental mom. I have been going through his baby book, looking at his newborn pictures and have been reminded just how quickly the time has gone by. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I brought him home from the hospital, 19 months later I would be bringing home his little sister too.

Baby Girl will officially be here next week. Since I have gestational diabetes my OB recommends that it is best for the baby's health and mine to deliver by 39 weeks. So next Thursday if she hasn't come on her own, we will be inducing. I'm not thrilled with the prospect of having to be induced. I had such a great, natural childbirth experience with Silas and I really want to be able to experience that again. I know that with inductions my chances for pain medicines, and even possibly a C-Section do go up. So I'm doing everything possible to try to go into labor naturally this weekend.

Which also makes me realize that these are in fact my last few days with just Silas. I have been trying to make them count and spending as much intentional time with him as possible. (Not that I haven't been doing that anyway!) Last week we went to the Deanna Rose Farmstead in the morning, and he loved feeding the baby goats. We've also been cuddling a lot more, especially during naps. I realize that in a few weeks when I need him to get back to napping alone in his crib I may regret this, but for now I'm enjoying this special time.

I have been spending the past few months in pure nesting mode- cleaning, organizing, purging, baking, freezer cooking. And I must admit it's been a long time since our house has been this organized. Our freezer is stocked full with foods that I have been cooking. Brett jokes that we're ready for the Apocalypse! While all this nesting has been good, and I will really appreciate being organized once I have Two Under Two, I have also been really trying to focus as much of my energy on my time with Silas.

So hopefully Baby Girl will come on her own before next Thursday, that's what we're praying for! While I'm waiting, I'm going to be spending as much time with Silas as I possibly can.

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Long Days, Short Years

I recently read the following quote:

The days are long, but the years are short.

How true they are! Some days at home can feel so long. Silas has never been a very good nap taker (I can only hope for a better sleeper the second time around!), so some days when he fights me to nap he can be rather difficult. I call him Sir Fuss-A-Lot, and fuss a lot he does! I find myself looking at the clock a lot those days thinking about how many more hours until Brett comes home.

Even though some days feel REALLY long, I'm always amazed by the end of the week thinking, "It's Friday already? Yesterday was just Monday!" Time is going by quickly. I look at Silas and can not believe that in a few days he will be seventeen months old! And in about two months he won't be my little baby anymore because I'll have a new baby and he'll be the big brother.

I have really been trying to focus on spending my time with Silas in a more positive light. Yes, some days will continue to feel long and he will continue to act challenging. But this season will only last for such a short time and I don't want to look back and realized that I wasted it away.

His shirt says Little Mess Maker which describes him to a T!

In my journal most days, I have been trying to write down at least three memories from the day, sort of like a gratitude journal only all about my time with Silas. It makes me realize just how much I do enjoy staying home with him each day and how blessed that I am able to do that.

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2012 Goals Revisited

Back at the beginning of the year I created a list of goals. To be honest, some goals have fallen by the way side (mainly due to the pregnancy), but I have been really intentional in some areas too. I wanted to re-visit where I have put my main focus on.

Spiritual

• read through the Bible in a year- I have been very diligient about this, and am up to date on my readings!
• Pray more - I have been trying to daily pray. A few months back I read A Praying Life by Paul Miller, and have been working on making prayer cards.
• Memorize the Book of Colossians- this has fallen by the way side. Maybe next year :)

Marriage

• pray for Brett everyday- I have been really trying to be pretty consistent about this. Plus I have also noticed that the more I pray for him, the less I am to focus on negative qualities (as if that should be a new realization!)
• go on at least two dates, away from the house, a month- we have been really good about this!
• pray and read the Bible together every night- this is one habit that we have gotten out of the habit of doing, mainly because we have started going to bed at different times. I will say while we haven't been really good about reading the Bible together, we do pray together most nights.
• spend time together every night talking about our day, and just enjoying being around each other- every night at dinner we re-cap our day and talk about what's been going on. I have also been watching A LOT of baseball in the evenings with Brett trying my hardest to be interested in his long time love.

Parenting

• pray for Silas everyday- trying to be consistent with this
• read aloud from his children's Bible everyday- most days we do this, but to be honest I really need to be better about this.
• pray with Silas everyday- I am ashamed to say that I don't do this, so this area needs some work!
• read aloud stories everyday- Oh yes, we read Silas' favorite books over and over again on a daily basis! (Is is wrong that I'm tempted to hide a few of his books? :))
• be more consistent with a daily routine and discipline- we pretty much have a weekly routine down, but to be honest it depends on my energy level on how consistent I am with discipline.
• begin planning, organizing, and implementing early learning at home resources and strategies- it's still on my list of things to do, just haven't done so yet.
• plan one weekly outing together and/or as a family- does running to Target count? :)
• •create a Motherhood Mission Statement- again, it's still on my list of things to do, just haven't done so yet.

Health

• continue to work off baby weight- Obviously not happening!!
• walk at least three times a week- before it became hotter than anything around here, we were faithfully going on daily walks.
• go to the gym at least three times a week- most weeks it is a miracle if I get there twice.
• begin introducing more real foods and eliminate more processed foods from our diet- this is an on going adventure.

Home Keeping

• follow our daily routine more consistently- starting in June I really got disciplined in this area.
• keep the house picked up- I hate clutter, so I have been really good about this.
• follow a weekly and monthly chores plan- only in June have I really been doing this, the nesting phase has kicked in!
• learn to cook more real food options- with the execption of a few things, I pretty much cook from scratch most nights.
• continue to learn about and incorporate more natural cleaning methods- I just made a homemade window cleaner today!

Personal

• read at least four books a month, including at least one fiction book- I have been reading like crazy this year! I forgot how much I love to read. I have pinned all the books I have read on my Pinterest page. Later I will blog about my favorite books that I have read this year.
• tackle my list of projects, hoping to accomplish at least two a month- I've only done a few things that I had planned.
• stay up to date on photos and memory books for Silas and the family- I have been really good about this. I just finished Silas' baby book and organized his keepsake box. Plus I have been uploading photos to Shutterfly and making a photo book about every three months.
• Cut back on our TV viewing- I have hardly watched any TV over the past few months, except for baseball :) In fact I even approached Brett about canceling our cable, but he is not quite on the same page yet.
• Limit my Internet time to one morning session and one evening session- FAILED, especially since my Kindle Fire connects to the internet.
• blog more consistently- I'm laughing at myself for this one!

Ministry/Relationships

• Continue to serve one Sunday a month in the church nursery- we love this, but with Baby Girl Osborn arriving in September we will only be doing this through August. Hopefully we have an opportunity to do this again next year as things calm down a bit.
• look out for opportunities to serve in my church or community at least once a month- I've been pretty good about this. We've had a baby boom at church this year, so I have made a lot of meals!
• being more diligent at preserving friendships, both local and long distance- could use more work :)
• continue to be apart of my weekly Bible study at church- this ended in May will resume in September.
• work on loving and communicating better with some difficult family members- on going, but this is an area where I really struggle with keeping a pure mind. Satan knows this is an easy target for me.

Financial

• continue to tithe to our church and support our current missionaries and ministries- on going\
• adapt a Cash Only spending plan- somewhat there, but not entirely.
• continue to pay off debt- making huge gains!
• save to pay with cash a new washer and dryer- done!
• aim to help supplement our income by subbing at least four times a month- I subbed a lot this spring which really helped, and it's my goal to continue to sub again starting around the holidays.
• continue to meet with my husband once a week to go over our finances and plan for goals- faithfully meet once a week :) So thankful to be married to a banker!

It's funny because as I was writing this out I realized I had been making a lot of head way on some of my goals this year!

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I'm Back!

After a rather long blogging break, I'm going to attempt to try blogging again (fingers crossed). So we will see how long I can keep it up this time. About a week after my last post I found out I was pregnant again with Baby O #2 and to say I was anything but surprised would be a lie.

Silas had just turned 11 months old and I was preparing for his first birthday, with tears in my eyes, seriously how could he have already been a year old anyway? One night when I was getting up from the couch I felt a sharp pain in my lower belly. It made me pause for a minute and I started thinking. Over the next few days I started really paying attention to my body and doing some math. At dinner one night I told Brett that I think I might be pregnant. Ever so confidently he told me I wasn't, but I was pretty sure, 85% sure I told him. He just looked at me with his reassuring look and told me not to panic until I bought a pregnancy test. I told him that I bought one and I was going to take it that night. Then he started laughing as if this couldn't even be real.

Brett and I were in the starting phases of talking about when we wanted Baby #2. We were thinking about waiting until Silas was a little closer to 18 months to 2 years old before we actually got serious about having another baby. We were in for quite a shock, especially as the pink positive sign appeared. We both burst out laughing, and then I started crying. Baby Meltdown #1. I was just starting to get my pre-pregnancy body back. I was starting to sleep really well again. I felt like I had a pretty good routine down with Silas. Over the next month I had about two more meltdowns, one in private and the other in front of my book club ladies. I was slowly coming to the realization that I was in fact going to have another baby and I might as well get used to it.

Then the nausea and exhaustion hit me like a freight train. This pregnancy has been really hard on my mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had more morning sickness than I did with Silas, thankfully that has passed. I was, and still am, battling extreme exhaustion. The simplest tasks make me feel like I just ran a marathon, so you can imagine that taking care of a busy, mess making, energy filled, demanding yet adorable toddler boy has left me even more wiped out. The constant binding down, picking him up, letting him crawl all over me has left me feeling very achy. Plus I have also been feeling rather guilty because when I should be enjoying this time playing with him, all I want to do is crawl up on the couch and take a nap. Some days I still hold him during his nap just to cuddle with him.

On the emotional side of the pregnancy I feel like we have been through a lot too. When we found out that we were having a girl, we also found out that there might be some complications with her heart. Then we found out that she might have Downs Syndrome. So for about three weeks I was in a dark place trying to not let every negative thought enter into my mind. Thankfully all of the tests came back negative and our doctor assured us that we should have a happy and healthy baby girl.

So from the start of the year our family has been on a crazy ride. As I enter into the summer months and into my third trimester, I am beginning to feel really good again. I am nesting too, which means the house is getting a major cleaning. And I'm just trying to enjoy being with Silas. Yesterday I took him to a nearby playground. He had a blast, but let's just say the equipment is not meant for a 28 week pregnant lady. I was feeling the effects of that all night!

As I have been investigating the world of pink, I am getting more and more excited about welcoming Baby Girl Osborn into the world in early September. Seriously how cute is little girls clothing?

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10 Reasons to Love a Daily Walk

Of all my goals for last week, the one thing that I actually did everyday was take a daily walk with Silas. Even when it was cold, I bundled Silas up and off we went. Here are 10 reasons why I love our daily walks and why they are so important to me.

1. It gets us outside, breathing in fresh air, allowing for some natural vitamin D exposure, and enjoying this beautiful weather before the harsh winter weather sets in.




2. It gets us out of the house for FREE! It's free to take a walk and enjoy nature. Maybe it is still an adjustment to being at home, but I get cabin fever very easily, so a daily walk outside is a free cure then going somewhere that I am sure I would spend money.




3. It allows for easy exercise with the baby. Try as I might, working out at home during nap time, or early in the morning before Silas gets up, doesn't always work out. Silas loves getting into his stroller for a walk, and I love that I am at least doing something to lose the baby weight!




4. We get to enjoy the changing seasons and decorations in the neighborhood. Silas loves to look at the large inflatable pumpkin that we pass everyday on our walk. I love to see how my neighbors decorate for fall and other seasons. I love pumpkins and mums on porches this time of year. In a few weeks they will be replaced with Christmas decorations. In the spring fresh flowers are abound.




5. Walking through my neighborhood makes me realize how blessed we are as a family to live in a beautiful, mature community with big trees, old homes, and familiar faces as well as dogs barking.




6. The nearby park allows for a change up. Just a 5 minutes drive away is a beautiful community park that has a wonderful walking trail when Silas and I need a change of view.




7. As much as I love mine and Silas' walk together, I also cherish the times that my husband and dog Rocco joins us on the weekends. It is such a sweet time as a family.




8. When the weather turns snowy, or rainy, I am also blessed to live only a few minutes away from an indoor mall so we can continue to walk despite the weather's conditions.




9. I love how Silas pulls himself up in the stroller to get a better view, and how he sits back contently taking in the world. He loves the walks just as much as I do!




10. Walks help to restore my sanity! As I am walking it gives me the opportunity to think, and pray without the interruptions or distractions from home.

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Just One of "Those" Days

Every once in a while you just have one of those days. Today was my day. My day for feeling tired, worn out, lonely and isolated. I am learning that staying at home, while very rewarding, sometimes has days where I miss being "out and about."

My heart has been in a weird place over the past few days. I miss being around friends, my feelings were hurt by my church, I'm struggling with thoughts of frustration towards extended family members and I'm starting to feel anxiety about the upcoming five weeks were I am going back to work away from Silas (my former co-teacher just had a baby, and I am going to be her long term maternity sub to start the school year for her.)

Due to the extreme heat, I have kept Silas at home with me rather than going out on errands or outings so I have also felt a sense of loneliness and isolation. Brett comes home for lunch during the day and today when he left my heart sank.

Most days when Silas naps I am busy with chores around the house, today the silence just seemed unbearable, so I spent my afternoon on the couch watching TV (which is something I rarely do). Finally by about mid-afternoon I decided to stop throwing myself a pity party.

I have been reading through and meditating on the book of Philippians this summer as part of my Maximize Your Morning challenge, and this week I have been reading Phil. 4:1-9. This afternoon I went back to verses 5-7:

"The Lord is at hand do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I started to turn my mind to the many gifts and blessings that the Lord has given me. I spend some time in prayer and I decided to bake some fresh home made bread for dinner. Cooking and baking in the kitchen always lifts my spirit.

So yes, it was just one of those random days where I just wasn't feeling myself. But after time in the Word and prayer, baking, and chatting with Brett this evening, my spirit is lifted and I am reminded of how important this season in my life is.

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October Bliss

I love fall. It is one of my favorite seasons of the year. I love the way the leaves change colors. I love the crisp, cool change in the weather. I love all foods and beverages that contains apples, pumpkins and squash. I love how October leads into the holiday seasons of Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish that parts of fall were not overshadowed by what our society has placed on Halloween. There are parts of Halloween that I enjoy and think are fun and festive like pumpkin carving, dressing up as a favorite character and trick-or-treating. However I hate the evil, scary side of Halloween too. I hate that every time I sit down to watch TV, I have to turn the channels during a commerical because of the evil images of movies or other advertisements. Despite all the evil images around, I focus my eyes and heart on what is Good and True, and that God has blessed me greatly this year.

Tonight on our walk with Rocco, I collected a handful of colorful leaves for a fall craft. Brett said that the sight of me, a pregnant woman, binding over to pick up leaves every few feet was quite entertaining for him:), and now my back is killing me, so maybe it wasn't a good idea after all, but I'm still excited have time this weekend to work on my fall craft!

Speaking of Rocco, Brett took this picture the other night as I was practicing my tailor sitting.

Apparently he enjoys it when I'm snacking on his level! Fall Blessings!

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busy...busy...busy

Every August comes the season of pure business for me. In fact I often call August the non-existent month because it just flies by before I even know what hit me. Don't get me wrong, this "back to school" season is my favorite time of year. Even though I greatly enjoy the refreshment and relaxation of summer break, I love to get back into a schedule again. I love school and I love teaching. I love the anticipation I get before school starts as I begin to make plans and preparation. I love how nervous I still get after five years of teaching for the first day of school. I love meeting my students for the first time.

Well as usual, I am full swing into the school year. This year the beginning of school has been a challenge for me as I am coming out of my first trimester of pregnancy. I have been battling exhaustion, nausea and mood swings. I have been calling myself a "slug" because it seems to take me twice as long to do things than I normally require. Even grading papers is taking me longer this year!

Now that I am (finally!!!) starting to move out of the first trimester slump, I am really enjoying my students, our daily routine and just being back at school. I'm trying really hard to stay in the moment and capture all of the memories and joys of teaching. This will be my last year teaching for a while, at least teaching other children. I have always wanted to stay home as soon as my children are born, and I finally get that opportunity next year. With Baby O due late February, I will take off two months of school this spring and return in May to finish the year. Then I will begin the process of packing everything up and saying goodbye to the profession that I have longed for my entire life. I was one of those people who always knew I would be a teacher. It is something that I have worked for very hard and waited a long time to fulfill. God graciously gave me the opportunity to serve at my school for five wonderful and challenging years.

I am confident that as soon as I hold my baby in my arms I will be fully ready to give up my career. To be honest though right now, I am really struggling with the thought of not teaching again for a while. I know that God will be working in my heart this year to begin the process of re-prioritizing things in my life and I know I will be a better mom because of it. Until then though, I am going to enjoy my final months of being a fourth grade teacher in the public school system.

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Hungry for Him

Today in church we sang a song, We Are Hungry, that I haven't heard in quite some time. In fact I think it might even have been as long as my SBU days since I have heard this song during worship. As the church was singing I just sat and meditated on the words as a prayer to God to know Him more. I wanted to share the lyrics with you also to meditate on.

Lord I want more of You

Living water rain down on me

Lord I need more of You

Living breath of life come fill me up

We are hungry We are hungry We are hungry for the more of You

We are thirsty, oh Jesus We are thirsty for the more of You

Lord I want more of you

Holy Spirit rain down on me

Lord I need more of you

Living breath of life come fill me up

We are hungry We are hungry We are hungry for more of You

We are thirsty, oh Jesus We are thirsty for more of You

We lift our holy hands up We want to touch You

We lift our voices higher and higher and higher to You

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Summer Recharge

For me, summer is a time of rest, reflection, relaxation, reconnecting with friends, planning and rebuilding. I just came off probably one of the most draining years of teaching. It sounds pretty funny to say that since I have only been teaching for four years. Here is a little background on my teaching history.

My first year of teaching was filled with the typical first year nerves and mistakes, along with a very challenging class which my principal admitted that I should have not been given that "class" as a first year novice. Add on top of that dating, engagement and planning my wedding. I ended that year with a severe case of strep throat that wiped out my energy which stayed with me for over a month after school let out. My second and third year were wonderful. I loved my class, had a great teaching partner both years and my desire to teach was affirmed daily. Then came the 2009-2010 school year.

This year came some new challenges and conflicts that I had to face and struggle through. Once again I had a challenging class, not necessarily all behavior problems, but enough to wear me out. Plus my class was academically low this year, much lower than I have experienced before. Once student, will call him C, really gave me a run for my money. In fact every night Brett would lovingly ask me how my day with C was. Along with my actual class was dealing with a teaching team with conflicting personalities. A lot of tension and conflict resolution was experienced.

My desire and love for teaching was not present in my life this year. I spent a large amount of the year longing to be in a different season of my life. About 2 months ago I realized that this discontentment and lack of joy came from the absence of spiritual disciplines in my life (prayer, God's Word, fellowship). I said to myself, "Duh! I of course that makes sense."

I view summer as a time to recharge, to spend large amounts of time reconnecting my relationship with God, meditating on and memorizing scripture, preparing myself for a new school year in August, and doing things for myself so that I can be a better wife and teacher, as well to build other disciplines for motherhood hopefully in the future.

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So it begins...

In college, I blogged for a short time, then left once I started teaching. I decided to start blogging again once I realized that I enjoy reading other people's blogs. I've learned that this is a good way to stay connected to old friends despite distance and even time to communicate personally. I must admit that I feel a little silly for blogging, but I'm willing to give anything a try (again).

I chose James 1:17 as a reminder of God's grace and love that He poors over me daily.
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." ESV

I have been blessed so much by my Father and I have taken so much for granted. I have been married to Brett for almost three years. We live in a lovely, charming, older home in Overland Park, Kansas. I am about to finish up my fourth year of teaching fourth grade. While I have been experiencing some rather challenging days of being a teacher (more so this year than any other) I love my job. I love teaching, but I also look forward to the day when I get to be a mother to train and teach my OWN children. Right now I am embracing my role as a wife and homemaker. It may sound crazy, but I enjoy keeping a home. I love to cook and experiment with new recipes. I also love to clean and keep my home tidy and uncluttered. I believe that a home should be a place of rest and fellowship. I hate coming home from work knowing that the breakfast dishes are still stacked high and the bed is still un-made. I also love to bake, which I do believe is different from cooking.

Every day I try to live life to the fullest and honor God in all I do. I'm not perfect and I stumble along the way. I'm grateful to have a savior that continues to love me despite my imperfections.

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