A Balancing Act

At the end of May I told my former co-teacher that I would be her long term sub. while she was on maternity leave for the first 6 weeks of the school year. I knew it would be a huge relief to her to have someone who she has taught with, start the school year off. Plus I also thought that it would help me fight the "not-back-to-school" blues that I assumed I would have.

I'm three weeks into the job, and I have three weeks left to complete. I am exhausted, wiped out, pooped, dog tired! Working full time, raising Silas, trying to be a good wife and keep a house clean is stretching me pretty thin. I have a HUGE amount to respect for the moms who have to work outside the home. I know how draining it can be because I am there right now. Plus Silas has now decided that since I'm not home during the day, he is going to pay me back by returning the middle of the night feedings that he gave up months ago! Thanks little man :)

On the flip side I am also battling guilt. I love teaching, I mean LOVE it. I have always wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember. Sure, there are a lot of things that I don't agree with in our current public education system. However I love the students, love planning, love creating and love grading (okay that last one is a lie because I despise grading!) In the morning it is so hard to walk out the door knowing that I am leaving Silas for 8-9 hours, I feel like I am missing so much with him. Then I get to school and I fall into a routine and the day just rolls by. On the way home I am excited to get home, yet also eager to return back to school the next day. There lies the guilt. How can I hate to leave Silas, home and my desire to be a good wife yet still love to work?

To make my lack of time at home more productive I did a lot of planning over the summer. I have a freezer stocked with meals so I don't have to come home and cook. I have created a much simpler cleaning schedule that just allows me to pick up a little each night. I also have the biggest help of all in my mom, mother in law and sister in law. The three of them rotate to come over every day and watch Silas. While they are here they do my major cleaning (bathrooms, floors, and kitchen) plus laundry! I am very spoiled I know, but incredibly grateful because instead of having to spend my Saturdays cleaning, I can spend time with Brett and Silas.

I am very glad that I don't have to keep this pace up for to much longer, just three more weeks. I will continue to sub. (1-2 days a week at the most) to keep my love for teaching alive. But I am looking forward to being at home where I can train and teach MY child instead of others.

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busy...busy...busy

Every August comes the season of pure business for me. In fact I often call August the non-existent month because it just flies by before I even know what hit me. Don't get me wrong, this "back to school" season is my favorite time of year. Even though I greatly enjoy the refreshment and relaxation of summer break, I love to get back into a schedule again. I love school and I love teaching. I love the anticipation I get before school starts as I begin to make plans and preparation. I love how nervous I still get after five years of teaching for the first day of school. I love meeting my students for the first time.

Well as usual, I am full swing into the school year. This year the beginning of school has been a challenge for me as I am coming out of my first trimester of pregnancy. I have been battling exhaustion, nausea and mood swings. I have been calling myself a "slug" because it seems to take me twice as long to do things than I normally require. Even grading papers is taking me longer this year!

Now that I am (finally!!!) starting to move out of the first trimester slump, I am really enjoying my students, our daily routine and just being back at school. I'm trying really hard to stay in the moment and capture all of the memories and joys of teaching. This will be my last year teaching for a while, at least teaching other children. I have always wanted to stay home as soon as my children are born, and I finally get that opportunity next year. With Baby O due late February, I will take off two months of school this spring and return in May to finish the year. Then I will begin the process of packing everything up and saying goodbye to the profession that I have longed for my entire life. I was one of those people who always knew I would be a teacher. It is something that I have worked for very hard and waited a long time to fulfill. God graciously gave me the opportunity to serve at my school for five wonderful and challenging years.

I am confident that as soon as I hold my baby in my arms I will be fully ready to give up my career. To be honest though right now, I am really struggling with the thought of not teaching again for a while. I know that God will be working in my heart this year to begin the process of re-prioritizing things in my life and I know I will be a better mom because of it. Until then though, I am going to enjoy my final months of being a fourth grade teacher in the public school system.

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